March 11 Earthquake

three days on, and my head continues to ache --I just need an outlet for my fears

I am one of the lucky ones. My family is all safe, and together with me. We had no damage at all due to the 'quake (yes, we felt the quake, the whole house swayed, and I felt like I was on a boat for the next day and a half with all the tremors, but in Yokohama we are so far away from any serious effects)

Yet still I couldn't bear to go to sleep last night for fear of what we would wake up to. What may have happened over night......

Unresolved issues with the Fukushima Nuclear reactors cooling; possible Magnitude 7 earthquake (aftershock?) in the next few days; images on the TV of thousands of people who have lost EVERYTHING - total devastation.

I feel confused - relief that my family, friends here in Japan are all accounted for, yet guilty that we are all ok, while so many others have lost their loved ones; relief that we managed to get supplies like water, canned food, candles so we are somewhat prepared for scheduled power outages, yet guilty when I think that so many people are lining up for more than a day to get minimal supplies like water and rice....

Many people are going back to their normal routines here (there were kids practising baseball in the park as usual, workers go back to the office today, many schools are open as usual....) yet I sit in the living room amist our emergency evacuation stash of clothes, helmets, water, sleeping bags........ready to jump in the car if somethng unspeakable happens in Fukushima at the reactors.

I feel an information overload, yet crave more information. I can't tear myself away from the TV/internet/facebook yet every piece of information, every image I see makes me more confused, scared one moment, suprisingly positive the next.

I want to flee, but if we leave now how long do we stay away for? Japan is an earthquake and tsunami prone country. If we leave now, I wonder how can we ever come back -- surely the fear will always be with us that the next time, it might just be the big one in Tokyo they are always taling about. Running away now, when we are at our most prepared seems innapropriate.

At the same time, the fear of the unknown -- what could happen if there is a nuclear disaster? - runs through my veins. I wont go outside. I wont let the kids or dog out (poor R). Is it over-reacting - we are over 300km away from the reactors? I just don't know......

I feel all of these things, and we really suffered nothing.
I can't even begin to imagine what the people in Tohoku are going through. My thoughts remain with them constantly.