me, myself and I

The other day I left K at home with J during her afternoon nap and hit the shops to get some baby presents for 2 gorgeous little girls that friends had last month and last week. I remembered that around this time last year, I was in my "I never get any time for me" mood, feeling all sorry for myself, and getting pissed off with J for not understanding why I needed time off on my own, away from K, I needed to feel that I was more than just a boob to hang off, more than just a mum!! On our trip home at Xmas, mum looked after K lots of times so I got to go out with friends and go to the movies etc etc which was sooooo great. And earlier last month, J looked after K one Sunday afternoon while I went out to a movie and izakaya with a good friend. etc etc

So it wasn't the first time that I had been out without K. But perhaps it was one of the first times that I had been out and about BY MY SELF. ALL ALONE. JUST ME. NO ONE ELSE TO THINK ABOUT. NO ONE ELSE TO TALK TO.

ME, MYSELF AND I for the first time in a very long time.

I felt awkward, fidgety, lonely. Sitting at the train station waiting for the train, I wished that K was with me so I could at least be talking to her, telling her about the kids playing in the park beside the train station or whatever.
Huh, wierd, hey.

For so long I wanted my own time, and yet already I am lost without my little side-kick for even a few hours. I wondered how my mum did it, before dad retired, being home all day by herself, going out shopping by herself. She must have been lonely too. I can't wait until K is a few years older, old enough to be able to go shopping with and sit down and have a snack with at a coffee shop and have a "chat" (as in, chat with kid type chat). Already she is so funny sometimes the things she says, the things that take her interest. I used to go out with my mum a lot, often a trip into the city, by bus, and later when the bus route no longer came down as far as our house, by train (30mins or so), to the mall to do shoppping. Often all we came home with was rye bread from the coles in the mall(exotic food not stocked at the local suburban coles) but I remember it was fun. I hope that I can do with same with K too.

Of course, my lonliness faded as soon as I walked into the shopping centre and realised I didn't need to race through the shop in 5 mins flat before someone lost interest and started a tanty, and I began to enjoy my random browsing. As for presents, I got a cute little 3-6month summer set for the little baby girl born last week from a UK store "N****" that I was a bit peeved about when I asked for it to be wrapped as a present and they said that I could either have it in the 200yen box or the 100yen bag. Ok, not really the price that matters but surely they could wrap it for free, like every other shop I have ever been in to in Japan does - how stingy!?!? (I payed 200yen for the gift wrapping in the box, fwiw, lol). Only got a little t-shirt for Feb's baby, it is for a Japanese couple, so I think I will have a look at Costcos when I go later this week for something a bit different for them.

Tomorrow is hanami/easter party for playgroup. I have made up about 25 "easter baskets" (out of milk cartons covered with 2 pieces of origami paper and stapled a ribbon on them as a handle) for the easter egg hunt! yay. hope it is warm.